I guess the reason I won’t ever be a blogger who writes about current events is because I have a tendency to come late to the party, but that’s life when you have an almost 3 year old and only 24 hours in a day.
Last post, I wrote about Jesse Jackson and the n-word but at that writing I hadn’t yet heard the story about ole Elizabeth from The View and the rather um, emotional discussion that occurred between the ladies of The View about the n-word. Plenty of folks have already wrote some fabulous stuff specifically about that conversation, however at another blog the issue of white privilege came up and for some reason this weekend that stuck in my mind.
Seems white folks don’t always get why they can’t use the n-word, some even say it feels unfair… after all if its such a hateful word, why the hell should Black folks use it? Seems maybe we should all bury it. On the surface that feels like a really warm and fuzzy argument and maybe if it were not for this little pesky thing called white privilege, I might almost agree but I don’t.
Before I get into my rant, let me say upfront, I don’t write an academic blog, I am a former quasi-academic, long story short after I got the masters degree a few years ago, I decided I had had enough of school. So I say this to say that when I blog, I just write, I don’t for the most part add sources but if you are reading this feel free to google anything I say and find the references yourself.
Now that we have that out of the way, lets get the rant on… Many years ago Peggy McIntosh wrote a piece that is often used to discuss white privilege, it basically highlights the many invisible perks that white folks get just by nature of being white. Simple things like knowing for instance you can pretty much do what you want to do without fear… or at the very least live in a state and not have to travel 2 states over to get your hair done.
With that paraphrasing of Peggy’s piece, I am reminded that maybe on some level the reason whites don’t get why they can’t use the n-word is not so much rooted in the fact that they care about Black folks (not saying that they don’t) but more rooted in the fact that its one thing that Black society has basically said no about, you can’t use that word and in general to be white in America does not mean hearing no all that often compared to if you are a person of color in America. After all for the average white person throwing out a casual n-bomb at the very least will earn you a mild scolding if your n-bomb falls upon Black ears to possibly getting your ass kicked. Depends on the Black person hearing it and honestly the kind of day they are having.
See, its funny when the spousal unit and I were talking about The View and my reaction to Elizabeth (honey, stop crying… get over yourself, use those tears to help folks if you really want to do something productive). It was my white half that brought up white privilege and how in his 40 years of life, 13 which have been spent with yours truly, that its been only in these last 13 years that he realized how many things he took for granted as a white man.
Imagine walking around in a large city when the urge to take a sudden and powerful bowel movement hits (I know this is sounding crazy but stick with me), well the spousal unit just looks for a nice hotel and wanders in and uses their facilities. The first time he shared this with many years ago, I looked at him like he was crazy, see when I used to live in Chicago and found myself in a similar predicament it never dawned on me to go to a hotel. Perhaps, because I have had experiences when traveling and staying at top notch hotels where just my appearance required showing a key card and proof I really belonged at the hotel and wasn’t loitering. Its a small thing but it was one of the first times I stopped to ponder how we, Black folks and White folks at times can inhabit different worlds.
In more recent days, a white girlfriend and I were discussing local beaches we take our kids, and my pal shared that she regularly uses one particular beach that is private… I knew the beach in question but was fascinated that she regularly just used it with no concerns, I even asked her aren’t you concerned that the organization that owns it might ask you to leave? She told me no; see white privilege allows you to go and do seemingly simple things like shit or use a beach with no concerns that someone might question you, hound you, or disturb you in any way. Damn, it must be nice…
However back to my original point, I see some whites irritation in not being allowed to use the n-word rooted in the fact that to be white in America unless you are at the lowest rings of the socio-economic ladder is to not have to hear the word no, it means always having a choice.. and yet Black folks have said no, you cannot have this word. That said, I am not saying we as Black folks need to hang onto this word as a commenter on my last entry stated maybe its time we look for some new language in general and I agree.
That said white privilege is everywhere, maybe instead of getting pissed about what you can’t say, it would be better to look at what you can do and strive for ways to achieve parity so that everyone can shit when needed.
7 Comments
July 21, 2008 at 11:23 am
I haven’t thought about some of this stuff in YEARS…the kind of things I did before I met you that I didn’t realize were privilege.
The hotel bathroom stuff is a good one, but also, I would go into expensive art galleries on lunch breaks or after work to enjoy some free art instead of going to the museums, and it didn’t really matter much if I was dressed in tie and slacks or in polo shirt and jeans…all I had to say is, “I’m just looking around for some items that might be good for my new place.” They would be offering me business cards and brochures and no one would question it. I cannot imagine too many people of color except an Asian being able to do that without getting major stank-eye at the very least….unless said people of color were truly dressed for success.
July 21, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I dated a white man for a while, and it always puzzled me how he would just “get away” with things. Like, if he went to a fast food joint for lunch, he would often return back to that same place for a drink refill. I was never with him when he would do this, but always found it odd that no one caught him and made him pay for a new drink. White privilege? Or the time he used the restroom in a fabric store we were visiting. It never entered my mind that I could use the restroom. It was only for employees, so I thought. But there my ex was, charming some employee to get access to the restroom. White privilege? Or the four times he got pulled over by the police because the sticker on the license place of his family’s Suburban had expired. I was with him the last two of the times it happened. The last time, the police asked for my license too, and I almost broke up with the ex. I should have. White privilege?
July 21, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I should have made it clear that with the car situation, my ex got off with a warning from the police all four times. I think my almost breaking up with him prompted him to finally get the registration sorted out with his mom, who had the updated sticker hiding somewhere in her house.
July 21, 2008 at 7:24 pm
like they sang in westside story
life is alright in america
if u can fight in america
July 23, 2008 at 1:53 am
I read your reply to a posting over at Sid’s blog about being stopped by the police while with your husband and they wanted to know who you were. Wow…this actually just happened to us tonight! Yes, we’d drove over to Sears quickly in our older car because we thought the store was going to close. My husband is a professional classical musician and has a private event to perform at tomorrow so he has to wear specific attire per his client’s request. Well, with us moving so fast our little old car didn’t like it. I haven’t figured out if it’s because our car was once a senior citizens or if it’s just trying to tell us to slow the heck down! ; ) Anyway, so we did the shopping for him and got in the car to go home. Low and behold our car didn’t start. Normally, when it does this it can take anywhere from an hour up to four before it will start again. So, my husband called AAA and requested their tow service to our house which is only about 2 miles from Sears. I decided to give a long-time girlfriend a call so we could catch up a little while we waited the estimated 90 minutes for our tow service.
I chatted with my friend for a little over an hour when up next to our car pulls an unmarked police car. I knew they were the cops and I found it VERY interesting that they pulled up on my side…I was NOT driving, by the way. My husband looked a little flustered and I noticed this. So, I rolled down my window and then let my girlfriend know the police had just arrived so I had to let her go.
As I hung up I glared hard (like WHAT IS IT?!?) at the male police officer. I then asked him if there was something he needed or that I could help him with!??! I used my very curt and business-like voice sounding extra polite. I think he knew I wasn’t going for any BS. He then asked my husband what was going on and my husband explained how our little car works. Next, the officer asked us whose car it was!?!? OK, at this point I almost snapped. The male officer saw me becoming very irritated and then he asked me are you (insert my first name?) My husband’s eyes got big and I told him YES I AM! Then he said what’s your last name and asked me if I had some identification. Now, when he said this I looked at my husband and glared hard back at him because BOTH our names are on the car’s title. When we bought our car this was something that I was very adamant about. I knew this was a RWB (riding while black) situation and once the officers realized I KNEW this they got nervous. I snapped at the officer I AM HIS WIFE and then I laughed right in his face! ; ) I couldn’t help it. I know my voice carried throughout the parking lot. Then, I attempted to start questioning him. Yep, I was preparing to get each officer’s badge number and so forth.
Finally, the officer asked me what my last name was. I told him in my snippiest sounding voice and started spelling it REALLY, REALLY loud. I even said B (like Boy) for the first letter just to drive the point home! ; ) Our last name is Southeast Asian (Spanish sounding though) because my husband is biracial (Filipino/Russian-Jewish). He’s also very fair-skinned so he looks like he could be a variety of nationalities.
The male cop then looked liked he’d seen a ghost!! It was too funny!!! Well, I didn’t even get the second letter our last name out (it’s only 4) and the cops started driving away. My husband started cracking up laughing and so did some other shoppers who were Mexican and Puerto Rican in the parking lot!!! I guess the cops thought I’d stolen my own car or something!??! WTF?! That’s the only thing I can think of because I don’t have a license. Ugh, see now situations like this is exactly why I can’t work or deal with too many adults on a regular basis to be honest. I’ll have to stick with my little infants and toddlers instead.
I sure hope those 2 racist cops learned a lesson. They can’t just go around bothering people who are minding their own darn business. My husband and I called my mother when we got home and we all got a huge laugh out of it! : ) I’m just glad that I keep up on all of our bills/paperwork and that my husband is an excellent driver as well. Everything was in order so they had to just slink away and go back to the rock that they crawled from up under!! LOL….both of us also have records that are as clean as a whistle. I work with children so of course my background is spotless! There was NOTHING at all they could say so they just left before they were the ones in trouble! We’ve been married over a year now and this was our first run-in with the police as a couple so I’m just glad that everything turned out OK for us and those cops really look like total dumb asses on top of it!!! : )
August 1, 2008 at 12:37 pm
That’s interesting that you bring up the hotel thing. I’m a black woman, and I do the same thing your (white) husband does all the time. If I’m out shopping or on my way somewhere and need to use the bathroom, I just go to one of the hotels. It never occurred to me not to. That said, I live in San Francisco so perhaps things are different than Chicago.
August 12, 2008 at 7:53 am
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