He’s almost grown

4 Jan

Most of my friends with kids have small children, I only have 3 friends with grown children and it seems I am getting ready to join their ranks.

The holidays were great as both the kids were here, however it was over the holiday that the reality that elder boy is almost an adult hit me and hit me rather hard I must say. When our kids are small, we are so wrapped up in them and at times it feels like we will never have our own lives since with small kids they pretty much call the shots.

Yet one day you wake up and realize they aren’t so small……our path has been a rather nontraditional path since elder boy has journeyed between his father and I since he was 6. Two morons who couldn’t agree on anything so he has juggled life in two places for as long as he can remember, by the time he was 8 he had his own frequent flier miles.

However despite this crazy life, half rural, half urban he has thrived…at times I am amazed at how well he has done since if I were listening to the professionals, they would have me to believe he should have issues. The only common thread between his father and I is that we both love this child more than life, but he is no longer a child, he is a young man.

This afternoon I watched him prepare his bags and get ready to make the trip back to the midwest, a seasoned traveler, a young man confident in his future and while I am so proud of him, there is a part of me struggling to accept that he is no longer a baby though he will always be my baby. Already he is planning his summer as he knows this summer will be the last one free of adult obligations since after he graduates next year he knows he has to prepare for his future which right now looks like it will include college.

Where does the time go? For so long, I was a young Mama struggling to raise a boy on my own and somewhere along the line, we all grew up as evidenced by the fact that a family friend commented on the increasing grey streaks in my dreads that are the only visible sign that I am no longer as young as I once was.. now I am a grown up with kids (plural) a house and grown up responsibilities. Yet its all part of the life path we take, we get old, and hopefully we get wise.

Anyway for those parents that read me, hug your babies if they are still small because before you know it, you might be looking up at a young man whose a foot taller than you. If your babies are grown as I am learning, you can still hug em and let em know you are a safe harbor while they find their place in this crazy world.

4 Responses to “He’s almost grown”

  1. Mangobuttahqueen January 4, 2009 at 5:51 pm #

    This is going to be me in 2.5 years with my oldest…I keep wondering where the time has flown also. He thinks that time is going by so slowly but I keep telling him that in reality it’s all in ones perspective.

    I too have been dying my 20% gray hair and each month that I have been doing this, it’s a constant reminder that time (and gray hair) stops for no one.

    I still have a little one who likes to sit on my lap and cuddle but I know eventually, that will change too.

    Geez…..I’m still shaking my head as I think about this.

  2. BlackWomenBlowTheTrumpet January 5, 2009 at 10:52 am #

    Hello there,

    I didn’t raise Petey from infancy and his mother is still a part of his life but I do see him as a “little boy” eventhough he is six feet tall and clearly an adult who is on his own, working as a program director and making his own (good and bad) decisions independently.

    I meet so many women who believe that the way that their children “turn out” is a reflection of their parenting. It isn’t. Some children can thrive and succeed in spite of having inconsistent and ineffective parenting…some children make terrible decisions when they are on their own that their parents would never have condoned.

    Children are not representatives of their parents and they aren’t the extensions of their parents’ personhood…they really DO evolve and make choices all on their own… some of those choices are heavily influenced by parents’ values or examples but some are not. And that’s okay. They must forge their own path and not cling to the notion that they MUST BE what their parents dreamed they would be.

    Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
    Lisa

  3. Big Man January 5, 2009 at 12:30 pm #

    One of the first posts I ever did was about growing older and how quickly it can happen.

  4. Chi-Chi January 5, 2009 at 8:29 pm #

    Oh man, my son turned one a few days ago and I was really shocked. I kept saying to myself, “Oh so this is how it’s going to go–helpless baby one day, walking baby the next, walking man in just a minute!”

    Thanks for sharing this. Treasure every moment–for real.

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