Tag Archives: acceptance

Random observations on the C folks

2 Nov

Must be in the air, but since as I wrote in my last post gay marriage is on the ballot up here in Maine. You can imagine what the propoganda is like on both sides.  Last night I fell asleep listening to a commercial where the anti-gay folks were saying if gay marriage becomes a reality here that the society could die out. Since apparently the function of marriage is to have kids…um, that may have been the case in 1950 but more and more heterosexual couples are choosing to either not have kids or are greatly limiting the number of kids they have. Yet we have more and more kids being born whose parents are not married. So, I am sorry but that argument is a tad weak.

Switching gears though, I want to comment on a growing trend I have noticed at least here in my neck of the woods. many of the die-hard fundamentalist style Christians, are frankly crazy. I was just joking with the Spousal Unit that all the “true believers” I have met in my 7 years in Maine, frankly scare me.

A few years ago we were attending a start-up church that was initially non-denominational, the pastor and his wife were young and seemed sane. Well they were until they decided to change up the program and become Pentecostal without telling us, we had to part company over speaking in tongues. Now being that this is a small town, of course you run into these folks and you are only a few degrees of separation from one another. Well the wife of Mister Tongue Speak considers herself a bit of a fashionista and well she befriended a fellow who happens to be gay; well her husband, Pastor Crazy Azz, put his foot down and banned his wife from being friends with the gay fellow. Um….how many layers of crazy is that?

Now if that wasn’t bad enough, I witnessed this weekend being in a space with the two servants of God who are always cordial when I see them but I was chatting with a dear friend who happens to be gay who they know, and you know what that these Christ like followers did? They ignored my buddy, like he wasn’t even there.

I admit this post is a vent about that situation and hope my friends don’t mind me posting but I have a reason. Look, but if you want to be Christ like, well treating folks like shit is not the way to go. I daresay that such behavior most certainly isn’t going to win any souls for Christ seeing as how even I as a Christian with evangelical leanings finds such behavior offensive.  In fact a deep reading of the bible without any background would make a logical connection at least for me that Christ was loving and caring in almost all his interactions with others. There are a few places in the New Testament where Jesus is less than gracious but by and large he sought out folks who were on the edges of society. He treated them with love and respect, he did not resort to petty behavior to condemn them.

So if I were one of these Praise the Lord types…you know the ones. Ask a question and they answer it with Praise the Lord, yada yada. I might work on being a decent person because I cannot see how on judgement day, you can say well Father I carried out your work but I was intentionally mean and hurtful to others, since I only hung out with folks who were just like me.

I am reminded constantly of Paul’s words in Corinthians “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase” I have made a choice in my life to know all kinds of folks and to let the light of Christ shine in me. I rarely talk Jesus and God with folks unless they ask me. The only time in recent years, I made an exception is when one of my dearest friends who is an agnostic was talking suicide. I shared my faith and how its gotten me through and told him I was praying for him. He later thanked me for that discussion when he was feeling better and we have never discussed it again. I never feel the need to tell folks unless we have that type of relationship that I am praying for them. Why should I? Other than to make others feel bad or feel that I am judging them, why should or would I? In the end I think it can do more harm than good and make others avoid me like I avoid Pastor Crazy Azz and others of his ilk.

So I guess I am wondering how and why folks are so off track about how to be Christ like? Seems the Bible is clear instead people are running on their own agendas which I think fuels the anger and hostility. In current day society, there is nothing wrong with difference but I think we need to be mindful and respectful of others.

Note: I recognize that I have many readers who are not Christian, but this post was written from my Christian lens.

More on acceptance… no more comparisons

24 Sep

It wasn’t my intention to write another post similar to the last one but this morning while doing my daily prayer and meditation, I had a bit of an epiphany. I must stop comparing myself to others especially as it relates to parenting, its really starting to drive me crazy.

See, I spend a lot of time on-line. Back when I worked in an office or shelter (actually even at the homeless shelter I had an office), I could stop and take a break and chat at the water cooler or at someone else’s desk but seeing as how I work at home, that’s not really an option unless I want to wander upstairs and chat with the spousal unit who is hard at work in his office. No, what I do when I need to take a break is surf blogs and discussions boards, the past year or so I have become completely enamoured of crafty/Mom blogs. Oh, I love checking out blogs of crafty chicks who are either making gorgeous handicrafts or amazing meals every day from scratch. Don’t get me wrong, I do the cook from scratch thing except in many cases I keep my meals simple, I make a homemade soup but buy the bread from the store, you get the picture.

In some cases reading about the lives of others inspires me to try my hand at something different, like tonight I am making spaghetti from scratch but too many times I end up feeling inadequate especially when I end up talking to some of my local Mama buddies who don’t use childcare to work (yeah, the plans to take mini-me out of daycare went up in smoke, no way I can get my work done effectively so she is still in preschool/daycare 3 days a week) yet they seem to have the patience of a saint with their kids and still create beautiful meals from scratch when by Wednesday I am drained and ordering sushi for dinner.

No, sometimes comparing ourselves to others can create havoc and at this stage in life, I just don’t need it so I have decided to limit my blog surfing to Black or political issues, as a fairly uncrafty person why kill myself to be what I am not. Sort of how at the beginning of spring I had planned a large garden but when a good chunk of work fell in my lap, I had to give that up but truthfully digging in dirt is not my thing.

The good thing about getting old and with 36 only a few months away, I am getting older, its time to accept myself for who I am, and not some made up fairy tale version. Truth is I am not the most patient mama in the world and while I love reading to mini-me, after 15 minutes I get tired of playing in the floor with the little one and you know what, that’s ok. Elder boy at almost 17 seems happy and well adjusted and I rarely played in the floor with him and Lord knows my own folks didn’t get down and dirty with either me or my brother and we are ok.

So as we start a new season with the arrival of fall, maybe its a good time to survey your life and see what you can do to better love and accept about yourself. After all life is too short to strain to be what you are not..

Being yourself

23 Sep

Last night my body decided it wasn’t happy just battling seasonal allergies but needed to add a common cold to the mix, the combination of pesky allergies and a cold sent me to bed earlier than usual which meant I had time to indulge in some mindless TV watching since my brain was too bogged down to read a book. I should mention that I am not a regular TV watcher, I have no favorite shows and can’t even begin to tell you what the fall line up looks like. The last time I watched TV with any regularity was when I was pregnant with the daughter and took up watching ‘My Name is Earl’ however once mini-me came that was the end of the TV viewing. The only exception is when my insomnia is kicking my ass and I flip between Nick @ Night, TV Land, Vh-1 and occasionally the E channel. Even Lifetime movies are no longer as appealing as they used to be years ago, too formulaic and too depressing.

So last night while laid up and hacking my lungs up, I settled on watching the E channel and checking out Dr. 90210… why, is that shit on tv? I admit it was my intent to keep flipping between channels but seeing the Black doctor and then the cheese-ball youngish doctor who I swear thought he was a model, piqued my interest yet it was the patients that really got me.

Let’s see, there was a young interracial couple where the young Black man was looking to get some surgery done because despite his daily exercise routine, his abs were not as tight as he wanted them to be, guess he had a hint of love handles and wanted the abs of Fifty Cents the rapper. Apparently the Black doctor who himself had a 8 pack was going to liposculp the brothas body to perfection.. wow! Brotha-man’s  old lady, a young white girl wanted a new nose. It seems they were both performers and wanted even better bodies, now at the end of the show, we were treated to a performance by the plastic duo, if only someone had given them some talent. Now seeing young folks fuck with nature while silly, pissed me off less than the other patient on the show.

The other patient was a white woman who had had several kids, at least one was grown and Moms looked to be just a tad older than me so she was probably just a hair over 40. She wanted a tummy tuck and some new breasts. Now I will confess I like to joke that if I had the cash, I would get both of these done but truth is for the most part I am happy with the body I got. Admittedly after 2 kids, years of breastfeeding and a ton of weight loss, I got the flab and sometimes I am bugged but the older I get I have an appreciation for the body I have, it’s served as a vessel for life, its literally provided nourishment and barring a health need, at the end of the day it just seems wrong to go fucking with it for vanity sake.

I shared all this to say that the older I get the more disturbed I am by the fact that folks are less willing to accept the bodies they were given. Too many of us buy into the media hype that says we must be perfect but who the fuck is really perfect? None of us, who even wants to be perfect? Like I said young folks though it saddens me, I understand wanting more physically but it used to be you got older and with age came wisdom and frankly at 40 wanting the body of a 20 year old is silly.. now I admit I wish I had the enrgy of a 20 year old but these days I look at young folks and I am glad I made it through my youth.

I think its a sad commentary on our society that we even have shows like this on the air and in light of the freewheeling last decade where it seems we all got caught on the consumption roller coaster, shows like this seem to tap into that desire to have more, to be more yet do flat abs, or big breasts make you a better person? I think not. Back when I was in my early 20’s, I had a body that wouldn’t quit and my self confidence was nil, it was only when I stopped focusing on that outer appearance that I came to know and love me.

Shows like Dr. 90210 only seem to reinforce that being yourself is not enough but I think being who you are is more than enough. Shit, if I was single and some cat decided he didn’t like the belly pooch that no matter what I do won’t go away, I’d tell him to take a hike.. I say love yourself and accept what you were given.

Off I go to hack some more and sip my steamy mocha misto.

A Season for Darkness

19 Sep

The past 6 years of my life have been a roller coaster ride of epic proportions. I moved away from my hometown, went to graduate school and got my masters, lost my beloved Mama and Granny and lastly had my daughter.. oh and have seen my income decrease by about 40%. Talk about being an overachiever, I feel I have hit many of the huge life issues in a fairly short period of time.

Any one or two of those things was enough to make a sista get a tad depressed but combined and I am being brutally honest but there are mornings I swear the only reason I wake up and don’t go mad is because of God’s grace. Now I rarely talk much about my personal faith here, but in a way I will today. I am a born-again Christian, that said, my faith has also been on a roller coaster ride. See before life got in the way, it was easy to praise God and trust that all would be good. Yet it was right after my Mom’s unexpected and untimely death that things got kind of heated between God & I. Now I will say I have made a lot of peace with the things that have happened but that childlike naive faith that initially had me thinking things would always be peaches and cream doesn’t quite exist. Instead I know that despite what happens I will be ok, its like that line from the Elton John song, I am still standing, in this case I am standing with God’s grace.

However despite standing there are days well, when I am a tad shaky and some might say even depressed. At one point I considered getting my MSW and becoming a clinician so I know a bit about depression from my case management days and while truthfully I do get depressed, reality is no I am not about to jump off any bridges or harm anyone else and though I have my moments, overall I enjoy life. Yet the reality that I have come to grasp as I recently shared with the spousal unit is that sometimes we just have dark seasons, but I am convinced they happen for a reason.

For me the dark season has lasted a while, yet in the midst of this ice storm known as my life there have been many good moments and I am at a place that while I sure as hell wish shit would change quick fast and in hurry. I have come to realize there is a reason and a season for everything, which is why I think rather than wishing change would happen quickly that maybe I should look for the beauty in the midst of this storm and see what changes happen in me that I can take from this time. I just started reading Thomas Moore’s Dark Nights of the Soul which from the first few chapters I have read so far really seem to speak to where I am.

I think its easy to get sucked in wanting and wishing we had what others have, but the fact is we have what we have and I don’t want to waste my life trying to get to the next level at such a rapid pace that I forget to enjoy the ride. KWIM?

Anyway its a gorgeous though nippy Friday here in Maine and since I am playing hooky from client work, I figure its time to head into the city and hit my favorite consignment shop. Have a good weekend, catch ya on Monday unless I am moved to write over the weekend.