Tag Archives: domestic violence

What do you do?

13 Jun

So last night was a gorgeous night, the weather was lovely so I had the windows up in my bedroom. The girl child decided she wanted to watch a flick with Papa and let me have my time to chill alone in my room. If you are a parent, you can appreciate having time at night to lay in bed and read or as I decided to watch some mindless tv.

So ten minutes into channel surfing and enjoying the lovely breeze coming into my room,I start hearing raised voices. At first I figure it was some of the neighborhood teens walking down our street and continued my search for a decent show (100+ channels, how come there is never anything to watch) when I realize I recognize the voices. The voices are coming from my neighbors, a couple probably in their early 50’s…a couple that seems like the perfect neighbors. They bought their house a few months after we bought ours and turned  an eyesore into a gleaming jewel…these are the neighbors who often plow my driveway in the winter without me asking me. They always are quick to offer assistance and while I don’t know them well, always seem nice enough.

Well what I was hearing wasn’t nice at all, I was hearing a lot of swearing and that’s when I realized it was serious, when I heard the missus tell the mister why didn’t he have a heart…it seemed she was crying. Then I heard enough to grasp that their sex life was not so good in fact based off what I heard sounds non-existent. I am going to be honest, I could not tell if he was hitting her but if he wasn’t based off what I was hearing it sounded like he was damn close.

Now a few years ago, they had a large argument that ended with her running out the house yelling leave me alone…yet in at least two years I had not heard anything else. I must be honest part of me feels like a wimp because I didn’t do anything, on the other hand while the conversation was clearly verbally abusive, I couldn’t see if there was any physical happenings.

I woke up this morning and saw neighbor-man in the yard as usual but I have not seen the missus….and I am wondering what should I do? So if you thought your neighbors had an abusive relationship, what would you do? Or do you do nothing? Your thoughts are appreciated.

Celebrities are people too and….

9 Mar

They make dumb ass decisions just like the rest of us, as evidenced by the fact that apparently Rhianna and Chris Brown have decided to get back together and work on their relationship. I am not a celebrity watcher in fact when the story broke that Chris had physically attacked Rhianna, I really didn’t know much about them. I guess they are popular with young folks.

This is one of those times where I realize I am not privy to all the details since I don’t know these folks personally but knowing that in today’s society where celebrity is celebrated and looked up to, the fact that a young woman decided to get back together with her attacker really bothers me. I wonder how many young girls may end staying with a so called good guy despite the fact that staying is dangerous to her health.

I am also saddened that I read a report where Rhianna’s father and I am paraphrasing basically stated that he trusts his daughter….look, call me old school, you can even call me crazy but when I was coming up, if a young man had put his hands on me the way Chris did Rhianna (if those pictures floating around the net are real, it was quite ugly) that is a young man who would have had hands laid on him by my male relatives. Of course my father is a minister so the young man would have really gotten hands laid on him….

Yet in this case and again I am acknowledging that I don’t know a lot, but even celebrities like P. Diddy or whatever he calls himself these days is helping these two work out their issues. (damn, did I miss where Diddy went and became a licensed therapist?)

I’m sorry but this whole situation sends out a lousy message to the worth of young women especially young Black women, if a pretty, young, rich and talented female can still get her ass physically kicked by her man and she takes him back, what does that say to LaShonda?

On the other hand if parents and relatives and other concerned adults would rise to the occasion to be a part of young peoples lives maybe we can have a shift where the people young folks look up to are those who are real and active in their lives…. perhaps we can have a shift. Parents, too many of us have given up being parents instead we want to be friends….no! Our job is to parent, and in being parents we must model the behavior we want our kids to take on, kids are too precious to let tvs and other media resources raise our kids.

Today is one of those days, I can’t quite put an end on this post but lets look at our lives and lets looks to be positive so that the message our kids take comes from us and not so called celebrities.

As for Chris and Rhianna, maybe they can work out their issues but considering what all he allegedly did to her, I doubt that was the first time he laid hands on her. On the other hand, maybe they can prove an old lady wrong.

Hands are not for hitting

13 Feb

“Hands are not for hitting” this is what I repeatedly told my kids when they entered the hitting phase that kids are prone to taking part of. For most of us the desire to hit our fellow human is a passing phase especially as we get older but for kids raised in homes where violence is prevalent, in many cases they grow up imitating the behavior they witnessed in their households.

This may be the case with a certain Chris Brown, who decided that being young and famous with a cute girlfriend wasn’t enough but decided to lay hands on Rhianna. For the record, I don’t really know who either of these kids are, they are young enough to be my son’s peers and at this stage in my life, I don’t do pop music or whatever passes for in style music. I’m a ole school kind of gal, give me some Marvin, some Anita, hell give me some New Order or Cure.

However the blogs and online rags have been blowing up about this young Chris fellow doing his Ike Turner impression on Rhianna, so I got curious and figured I would read up about it. I will be honest, what I have read doesn’t sound pretty but what concerns me is the number of young folks who seem to think maybe Rhianna did something to deserve what by all accounts sounds like a ass beating.

Look, I am about to say something that might piss a few folks off. While I don’t condone laying hands on anyone (my ex tried this shit once and that is a large part of why he is an ex) I will say that humans being what they are, there are instances where I might concede that a fairly non-violent person might get violent. Case in point, should I decide to step out on the spousal unit and be brazen enough to say bring some other human home to our marital bed and the spousal unit walked in on the sordid affair, while my hubby is a laid back fellow, I suspect he might start to snap, crackle and pop like a Rice Krispie. A sista might even get hit.

Now should he hit me, that would be some wrong ass shit, on the other hand…lets be real and say it would take one hell of a person to not get angry and fly off the wall. Look, if I came home and found some other woman in my bed, I’m gonna be real honest and say I know me and it would not be pretty.

However the example I gave is one that most folks rarely encounter since most folks that are creeping around on their partner tend to want to hide the shit.

No, for the most part no matter what, hitting someone is not cool and the fact that so many young men and women think its justified is down right scary to me. Look hands are not for hitting, a basic lesson we should learn early on. If we are with someone that brings out the basest instincts in us which might include the desire to physically lash out, perhaps its time to reconsider our choice of partner.