No Time

19 Feb

I was going to weigh in on the NY Post and that foul ass comic they ran in their paper but truthfully there are bloggers who are far more articulate than me who are already on the case. I will just say though that for all those who felt we are living in post-racial America….um, no we are not. In fact we are a long way from being post racial in any meaningful way and I suspect we will see more rank ass shit like this in the coming days.

Anyway on to the rant of the day. Today on Facebook a few folks posted a link to a column that I guess ran recently in a paper, it was a question and answer type deal. The question being asked was how come so many mothers of kids claim to never have time to stay in touch, instead saying their kids keep them too busy to stay connected to friends. As you can imagine quite a few folks got upset after all it seemed as if perhaps stay at home mothers were being judged.

Now I don’t care to fixate on the particulars of that column, but I will say that in recent years as technology has evolved I have noticed the growing tendency for folks to be too busy to call or return a friend’s call. I will admit in the first year of my daughter’s birth, I was tired quite a bit and therefore selective about who I gave my time to. However I made time for folks who matter to me. Let me repeat that, I made time for folks who matter.

My father who is 1100 miles away from and I have a standing time on the weekends that we call one another, some weekends we don’t talk but for the most part we always touch base even if its simply to leave a message. Now I must admit I try to connect with my brother on the regular but that cat stays busy, thankfully we do seem to stay in touch via Facebook.

I found myself thinking how sad it is that so many of us have cell phones, smartphones, internet, etc yet we are so busy that we have to struggle to make time to talk to a friend. Back in the early 1990’s when I was a single working Mama, I always had time to at least say hello and stay connected and this was before the day of 24/7 communications.

No, I think our lack of ability or desire to stay connected to folks we supposedly care about on some level speaks volumes about where we have been this past decade…stuck on a treadmill striving for more and better, yet never reaching the promised land. Instead we amass our items but have little connection to those around us. Several pieces have been written in recent years about how Americans by and large have become a lonely bunch, we no longer participate in community in any meaningful way.

I suppose the life path we have chosen in the last decade is starting to catch up with many of us as we face the new reality of a scaled down life…a life that will no longer involve work and perhaps worshipping at the altar of consumerism yet for many of us we will be at a loss of how to connect with others in a meaningful way.

Yes, we have the internet and we even have sites like Facebook but truthfully I will take getting together with a flash and blood friend any day over virtual connections. Don’t get me wrong, I think the internet can be a wonderful place to make connections. I have several friends I met years ago through the internet but at a certain point there is the need to connect face to face or even by phone and that is a place I think many of us are failing.

Look, we are all busy but there should always be a time for the people we care about in our lives.

4 Responses to “No Time”

  1. Kit (Keep It Trill) February 19, 2009 at 6:05 pm #

    Amen to all that, but I’m old school. It kind of amazes me that half the time my kids would rather chat on MySpace with a friend for half hour when they could call and hear the voice, but that’s their generation.

    On the other hand, I know a 40-something year old guy who does the same thing on Facebook – for hours – and I just don’t get that. A little, fine, but a lot? To much of it strikes me as an inability or unwillingness to connect on a meaningful level.

  2. blackgirlinmaine February 19, 2009 at 6:17 pm #

    My son is the same way except he is all about the text message. Goodness for the amount of time it takes me to send a text, I can dial the person’s number and say what I need to say.

  3. Chi-Chi February 19, 2009 at 7:48 pm #

    I totally agree. I’m a SAHM and most of the time I feel so isolated. I’ve tried to reach out to other SAHMs but it seems that everyone is just too busy to chat for 5 mins or return calls and I just get tired of being the one to call. I hate to feel like I’m chasing folks down for some conversation. Sooner or later, we’re going to realize what is really important in life is our connections to each other. And you’re so right . . . so many of us won’t know what to do.

    KIT, you said it in one of your posts: this time next year, the internet might be a serious luxury for a lot of folks. I wish people would take some steps to really connect with folks again–not just via the internet.

    I’ve been thinking about starting to hand write letters again to family that lives far away. Getting stationery and all that. Old school stuff. It’s an art that’s getting lost . . . In any case, nothing takes the place of actually hearing someone’s voice, seeing their face. Excellent post.

  4. pve design February 23, 2009 at 5:12 am #

    I am lucky to have a weekly meeting of gals, moms who make time for one another, we take turns hosting, have a simple lunch, chat and knit or craft for an hour or so. I look forward to this time. My parents and family live far away too, but I make time to call, to write and to visit. E-mail is great too but nothing like face to face.

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